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Chapter 7
“You are a very special person Jack. You are the one that we have chosen to lead us into freedom.” explained Linus.
“But why me?”
“We believe that it is only you that has the talent and the skill to give us direction in order to overthrow Microsoft.”
“Why overthrow Microsoft? Why this personal vendetta against Microsoft? Sure they make software that is extremely buggy. Sure they rule the world. They aren’t hurting Linux. It runs perfectly fine. Sure it takes forever to boot. Why not keep using the command line interface, and the cryptic syntaxes. That’s what makes Linux Linux!”
“Well, that was a nice little speech. But you don’t seem to understand the greater cause. Didn’t Tux tell you our mission? To hack the Windows OS, get the source code, and release it to the public? The whole point is to make Windows like Linux! Where Linux fails, Windows can fix! And where Windows fails, Linux can fix! This is our cause.”
“But I still don’t understand why me. Why not someone else? Why does it have to be me? I’m just this stupid little kid who picked up a book in a book store and installed Linux. Why am I so different than all the others at the Linux Convention?”
“Because we needed a leader. It didn’t matter who. We just needed one. We used the speakers in the ceiling of that book store to direct subliminal messages to you to purchase that book. I am growing old, I have begun the revolution. But you must finish it. I will guide you, but it is you who must make the calls.”
“How can I overthrow Microsoft?”
“Jack, if I knew that, do you think I would be sitting here talking to you?”
“Well, I guess not. What if someone snuck into Microsoft’s headquarters and downloaded the source code?”
“If it were that easy, we would have done it already.”
“Has anyone tried it?”
“Well, no. No one is that stupid.”
“What if I tried?”
“Ha! Yeah. Go ahead.”
“Ok. I’ll show you! I’ll get it!”
Jack walked out of the room. After that conversation, he had gotten hungry. He smelled something good. He looked around and there was a guy eating a bag of something.
“Hey, what’s that?” Jack asked.
“Poo-Poo Chunks™.”
“What’s that?”
“Chocolate flavored fat.”
“Where did you get them?”
“Over there.” He pointed to some snack bar. “They have everything from Poo-Poo Chunks™ to Dumpy Lumps© to Squat Balls®.”
Jack walked over to the snack bar to buy something.
“What will it be?” asked the snack bar attendant.
“You sure do have some strange food.”
“Only for the best.”
“Hmm… what are Dumpy Lumps©?”
“Bacon fat with melted cheese.”
“Well, what are the Squat Balls® like?”
“Squat Balls® are balls of mayonnaise with a crunchy peanut and chocolate center.”
“Hmm… I’ll have some Dumpy Lumps©.”
“That will be 75¢.”
Jack reached into his pocket and got out some change. He opened the bag of Dumpy Lumps© and began to eat them. Strangely enough, they tasted pretty good. Kind of like raw meat.
Note: Similarity of any of the characters in this story, dead or alive, is probably not coincidental.